You have enough

I have enough.

Say it with me.

I... HAVE.... ENOUGH !!!

Don't believe yourself. Look around.

I'll wait.........................

You didn't look around did you?

Alright. I'll do it for you.

I see my computer. Then everything in the room. Then the room.

And in my mind I see the house and in each room of the house I see furniture, appliances, closets and cupboards filled with stuff.

Then I see my bedroom and drawers stuffed with clothes. Clothes I don't wear. And a closet packed with more clothes. Most of which I don't wear.

And more than enough shoes for someone with only two feet.

Then out to the garage and I see cars and boxes and boxes and boxes of more things. Things I don't need all that much. And some stuff I don't need at all.

I have:

games I don't play;
books I don't read;
CDs I don't listen to;
DVDs I don't watch;
tools I don't use;
kitchen gadgets I can't find and therefore don't use;
food in the cupboard I can't see and hence do not eat;
cologne I don't wear

And so on. And so on.

And then, there are the things I have to just have them. We call them collectibles. Presumably because they collect dust.

And I'm not that different from most people I know.

Now, please look around. Do it for real this time.

And say it with me now...

I have enough.

Change Slowly

You've had it. That's it. No more.
You finally decide that something has to change.
You devise a plan and put it into immediate action.


The Plan


Day 1:

You feel excited and to be honest a little worried. You've made a big change in your life and you're a little afraid of failure.

But never mind those fears. It's a new day and you seize it.


Day 2:

Yesterday was tough, but you lived through it. Today should be easier.

It's not. But never mind that. Tomorrow's another day.


Day 3:

Slipped back into your old ways today. Didn't have the energy/time/fortitude to keep it going.

But never mind that. You just have to believe.


Day 4:

Back on track, sort of. While you're still committed, you're starting to doubt.

But never mind that. Doubt is for losers.


Day 5:

You get a bit of bad news or it's Friday or whatever, but you're done, finished.

You're sick and tired of this. It's too hard. It's not worth it.

It's your life and you only have one to live and you intend to live it.


You give up.


What Went Wrong?


What happened here is all too common. We try to make drastic changes in our lives and they don't stick.

The problem is that bad habits don't happen overnight. What makes us think that good ones will.

The problem is that we have put off doing what we know we must. And now that we can't stand it for another minute, we want everything to change, overnight.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

Turns out that if you can change overnight, you can also change back overnight.


Now What?


Instead make changes in your life slowly. Integrate them into your daily routine.

Not all at once.

Pick one thing you'd like to change. Something small.

Don't pick lose 20 pounds. Don't pick stop smoking. Pick a micro-goal. Something small, like stop eating bacon.

That's it. Just stop eating bacon. Resolve never to eat it again. Then don't for the next 3 months. Nothing more.

After that time, you will be used to the fact that you are no longer a bacon eater.

Now pick something else, e.g. drink juice instead of a soda.

Or if smoking is your thing, smoke one less cigarette. For a month. That's it.

After that time, you won't even realize that you've decreased your consumption.

Then try to not smoke/eat when you're bored. Do that for a month or two.

And so on it goes. You slowly reduce the bad habits at the same rate at which you built them up. Slowly and without notice.

The most important thing that will keep you going is knowing that if it takes you 3 years to lose 20 pounds, that's okay. It probably took you 10 years to gain it.

You're going to be 3 years older. You might as well be 20 pounds lighter.

Slow change is change that will last.

Look here

Look back at the shadows of the lost forever.
The child since grown.
The loving parent lost.
The average moments, now precious and ever elusive.

Look forward at the illusions of the hopeful never.
The promises of then.
The solution of time.
The extraordinary moments, yet realized and ever elusive.

Look here at the images of the actual now.
Yesterday's promise.
Tomorrow's longing.
The ubiquitous moments, undervalued and ever elusive.

I'm dying

There, I've said it.

I've known for quite some time but even now I still find it hard to think about it, talk about, and even harder to blog about it.

When we're young we think we're going to live forever. We think death is what happens to other people, old people, sick people.

But denial won't change the facts.

So now what. What do I do?

I make the best of it. I spend as much time as possible doing the things that matter to me the most. Family, friends...

And now that I've stopped denying my situation, I promise to appreciate every day, every moment good or bad.

I promise to make the best of what little time I have left, a meager 30 to 40 years.

Can I play?

One recess, a young boy stands on the sidelines of a basketball game.

"Can I play?", he yells to the other boys who ignore him.

Desperate for attention, he jumps up and down in a futile attempt to display his abilities.

"Can I play?", he beckons.

Another boy walks up and simply watches the first boy's antics.

The second boy thinks to himself for a moment then looks around.

He notices that there is an old, abandoned basketball sitting against a nearby tree.

He also notices that there is a smaller, rundown basketball court right next to the one where the other boys are playing.

A few moments later and the second boy is shooting baskets while the first boy is still trying to get the other boy's attention.

"Can I play?", the first boy yells to no avail.

After about 30 minutes, the bell rings and recess is over.

They all line up for the teacher.

While in line, the first boy schemes about how he's going to get noticed and hopefully get a chance to play.

The second boy, on the other hand, thinks about next recess and all the fun he's going to have shooting hoops.

What happens next is anyone's guess.

Persistence may pay off for the first boy. But then again, it may not.

The second boy gets to play basketball every day, even though he's not in the Big Game.

While both boys would like to play in the Big Game, the first is more enamored with being in the Big Game than playing basketball.

The second boy doesn't ask permission to play. He simply plays.

Why?

Because he loves the activity not the accolades of the activity.

So, if you truly want to do something, e.g. make a film, paint a portrait, write a book of poems, then don't ask others,

"Can I play?"

Just do it.

The Journey

Imagine you are standing in one spot. You've been standing their for many days and are bored with it.

To move to another spot, hopefully more interesting than the one you're on, you must walk thousands of miles.

There are two paths. One paved with broken glass, which you must traverse in your bare feet. The other is of green grass.

On the broken glass path is a sign that reads: "This way to a happy spot".

On the green grass path a sign reads: "This way to somewhere".

Bored with your spot and yearning for a happier spot, you venture carefully and painfully down the broken glass highway driven by the promise of its destination.

Years later when you arrive at your new destination, you are much happier. Partly because you are no longer walking on broken glass, but mostly because you are at, what you believe, is a better spot.

In your new spot, you are happy.

After a few days, you are no longer happy, but content.

After a few more days, you are somewhat dissatisfied.

After a few more days, you are restless and once again yearn for a happier spot.

Two new paths present themselves. One paved with broken glass to a happier spot and one with green grass to somewhere unknown.

You think back to your experience in getting to this spot, one which originally made you happy but soon became mundane.

You remember the pain of every step and how the journey took years to make and quickly realize that pain of the Journey was not worth the Destination.

You also remember that no matter how great the new spot was, it quickly became status quo and your happiness quickly diminished.

After much thought, you take the grass road.

And every day for years you enjoy every step of your journey with almost no thought of its destination.

Wait for it... Wait for it.

Look in your garage at all the things you've got stored there.

At one point, all of those things were something you couldn't live without.

Chances are those items were purchased on the spot. With credit cards, there is no "reason" to wait.

Why should we wait when there is no reason to delay satisfaction?

In a society, where now is not fast enough, we've forgotten how to enjoy anticipation.

Anticipation is a lost pleasure.

We all would like to have things when we want them, but there is real pleasure to be gained by waiting and looking forward to obtaining your goals.

Sometimes the wanting is better than the having.

Dream Small

We've all heard the mantra, "Dream Big".

If a blind man dreamt of being the president, we all know his chances are practically zero.

The problem is that dreaming doesn't make it so.

You are the only thing that can do that.

You are the dreamer and the fulfiller of those dreams.

No one is going to do that for you because they're too busy trying to make their own dreams come true.

So in lies the problem. Big dreams involve too many people.

So what are we to do?

Dream Small.

Small dreams are dreams I can make happen.

Dream of a trip you'd like to take, a book you'd like to write, etc. because these things are things you can control.

But what if you want to sell the book once it's written?

That's a small dream. Something you can fully control.

What you can't control is whether you sell millions and get on the New York Times bestseller list. That is a Big Dream which is out of your control.

So dream small and live to dream another day.

Swing and miss

Financial Success is like a baseball game. A very special baseball game.

When you get up to bat, they blindfold you. Hand you a bat that weighs 25 pounds. And spin you around in a circle so you don't know which way to face.

Then the pitches come at you at 127 miles per hour.

Your chances of hitting it are pretty small by design.

If you don't swing the hefty bat, you definitely won't hit the ball.

You could swing your whole life and never hit the ball.

So what do you do? Swing and miss. Swing and miss. Swing and miss. Swing and miss. Swing and...

Then you hear it. The inevitable stories of those who hit the ball. Those who are half your age who hit the ball on their first swing.

Or so the story goes.

So what do you do? Swing and miss. Swing and miss. Swing and miss. Swing and...

Then you dedicate yourself. You buy the book of the kid who hit the ball on the first swing.

Turns out he didn't hit it on the first swing. And turns out that he could afford his own bat, which gave him a slight edge.

The rich kid's book tells of his hard work, talent and tenacity.

So what do you do? Swing and miss. Swing and miss. Swing and...

Then you do some more research and learn that once the kid hit his first ball, that they took off the blindfold, handed him a regular bat, put him way out in center field and lobbed him slow, underhand pitches.

Now the kid hits almost every pitch out of the park.

So what do you do? Swing and miss. Swing and...

Then you realize that if that kid had your bat and your blindfold and was spun around and was standing where you are...

He was lucky. And all you need is some luck. But where do you get luck?

So what do you do? Swing and...

Now you've been swinging for a long, long time. You've forgone life's pleasures to swing that damn bat.

You realize you may never get that lucky break. Too many variables out of your control.

So what do you do?

How to Succeed

Once you've Redefined Success, you should choose your activities carefully.

Do not participate in Relay Races, i.e. activities that you have a small portion of control in the success of the whole.

Pick things that you can fully control.

Biking, photography, travel, sewing, writing, etc. are all activities that are fully in your control and if you define success properly, you will succeed.

For example, if you like to travel and you've always wanted to take a trip overseas then when you research the requirements (i.e. costs, travel arrangements, etc.) and implement a plan (save $100 a week), you will be successful when you have enough money saved and have taken that long dreamed of trip.

You control all aspects of making the trip and therefore you control the likelihood of success.

Another example would be photography. You control all aspects of becoming a photographer.

Note that becoming a paid photographer is not fully within your control. No matter how much you think it is, it is not.

You must be "good" at taking certain pictures. You must find someone to buy your pictures or hire you to take them.

Trying to get paid for activity is a slippery slope to frustration and failure because you don't control the "paid" part.

Control where the finish line is in a solo race and as long as you keep running, you will win.

Redefining Success

Success as defined by our society is measured in terms of Dollars.

This is counterproductive to our happiness because we cannot control the process of making money.

There are too many variables out of our direct control.

Monetary success is like a Relay Race.

Your part in a relay is important but not sufficient to win the race.

You must rely on others to win.

You can only control your leg of the race, from the moment you get the baton, run and hand off the baton.

You can run the best leg of your life, hand the baton off and the person trips and never makes across the Finish Line.

Are you a failure? No.

Are you a success?

If you Redefine Success properly, then you are a success.

Redefine Success to be limited to the things you can fully control and then you will succeed more times than you fail.

The Application

Once you've arrived at The Answer, the next step is The Application of the Answer.

Once again, I can only tell you how I applied it. But first, a little history.

My career is in software design and development, which happens to fit my Answer, create something from nothing.

When I was programming for free, 100% of my time was spent doing what I enjoyed.

When I turned my hobby into a job, the fun was slowly reduced to about 10% of the time.

The other 90% is spent doing all kinds of thing I don't like.

Effectively, I've ruined my hobby.

Of course, I have a great career, but at the expense of a hobby.

The lesson here is once you've arrived at the Answer, i.e. the activities you love, don't try to make money with them.

So, I do photography, blog, write screenplays, make short films, etc.

And don't get me wrong, if I accidentally make money in these endeavors, I'll be even happier, but it's just icing on the cake.

The Application of the Answer is simple. Just do it. (My apologizes to Nike).

Reduce TV watching, Internet surfing, etc. and redirect that time to the activities that make you feel alive.

The Answer

The next logical step once you've asked The Question is to try to answer it.

Easier said than done.

There is no single correct way to find the answer. The best I can do is try to recall my method.

I looked at all of things I like to do.

The list went like (write software, design software, write screenplays, take pictures, write music, graphic arts).

Now this is not a list of things I can make money at. Nor things that I'm good at.

The list contains activities that I like to do.

I could have stopped here but I wanted to understand what each item in this list has in common.

After a little while, I realized that all of these things had creativity in common.

Digging a little deeper, I also realized that all of these things require almost nothing but an imagination.

So I created an abstract version of my answer:

I like to create something from nothing just using my mind.

There it was.

Now the power of an abstract answer is that I can use it like a touchstone to compare an activity that wasn't in my original list to see if I would like it.

For example, painting isn't on my list but it fits the abstract answer. It's something that you create just using your mind.

So I'd probably like painting.

Reviewing the process:

1. Make a list of activities you like to do
2. Figure out what they all have in common
3. Create a single statement that encompasses all of the activities in an abstract way

Now that you have The Answer, the next step is to apply it.

The Question

As I approached the age of 40, I started to review my life. Although this isn't an unusually unique endeavor, I did, however, stumble across something very powerful.

It was a question. Not an answer mind you, but a question. We are wrongly taught in school that getting the right answer is the goal, but that's wrong.

In life, getting the right question is the goal. Because once you have the right question, it's only a matter of time before you get the right answer.

If you have the wrong question, who cares what the right answer is.

Another unique aspect to the question is that it has as many answers as there are people.

And there are no wrong answers.

The Question:

After you win the $100 Million Lottery, you spend the next year buying everything you ever wanted and the following year you travel and visit everywhere on the earth you've ever wanted to see, twice.

On the very next day, what do you do?

It took me about a year to answer this question.

Whatever your answer to this question is represents the thing that makes you feel alive.

It also represents the things you should be doing today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of your life.

Because you shouldn't wait to start living your life until after you win the $100 Million Lottery. Because you probably won't.

Now to find The Answer.