I have enough.
Say it with me.
I... HAVE.... ENOUGH !!!
Don't believe yourself. Look around.
I'll wait.........................
You didn't look around did you?
Alright. I'll do it for you.
I see my computer. Then everything in the room. Then the room.
And in my mind I see the house and in each room of the house I see furniture, appliances, closets and cupboards filled with stuff.
Then I see my bedroom and drawers stuffed with clothes. Clothes I don't wear. And a closet packed with more clothes. Most of which I don't wear.
And more than enough shoes for someone with only two feet.
Then out to the garage and I see cars and boxes and boxes and boxes of more things. Things I don't need all that much. And some stuff I don't need at all.
I have:
games I don't play;
books I don't read;
CDs I don't listen to;
DVDs I don't watch;
tools I don't use;
kitchen gadgets I can't find and therefore don't use;
food in the cupboard I can't see and hence do not eat;
cologne I don't wear
And so on. And so on.
And then, there are the things I have to just have them. We call them collectibles. Presumably because they collect dust.
And I'm not that different from most people I know.
Now, please look around. Do it for real this time.
And say it with me now...
I have enough.
You have enough
Change Slowly
You've had it. That's it. No more.
You finally decide that something has to change.
You devise a plan and put it into immediate action.
The Plan
Day 1:
You feel excited and to be honest a little worried. You've made a big change in your life and you're a little afraid of failure.
But never mind those fears. It's a new day and you seize it.
Day 2:
Yesterday was tough, but you lived through it. Today should be easier.
It's not. But never mind that. Tomorrow's another day.
Day 3:
Slipped back into your old ways today. Didn't have the energy/time/fortitude to keep it going.
But never mind that. You just have to believe.
Day 4:
Back on track, sort of. While you're still committed, you're starting to doubt.
But never mind that. Doubt is for losers.
Day 5:
You get a bit of bad news or it's Friday or whatever, but you're done, finished.
You're sick and tired of this. It's too hard. It's not worth it.
It's your life and you only have one to live and you intend to live it.
You give up.
What Went Wrong?
What happened here is all too common. We try to make drastic changes in our lives and they don't stick.
The problem is that bad habits don't happen overnight. What makes us think that good ones will.
The problem is that we have put off doing what we know we must. And now that we can't stand it for another minute, we want everything to change, overnight.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
Turns out that if you can change overnight, you can also change back overnight.
Now What?
Instead make changes in your life slowly. Integrate them into your daily routine.
Not all at once.
Pick one thing you'd like to change. Something small.
Don't pick lose 20 pounds. Don't pick stop smoking. Pick a micro-goal. Something small, like stop eating bacon.
That's it. Just stop eating bacon. Resolve never to eat it again. Then don't for the next 3 months. Nothing more.
After that time, you will be used to the fact that you are no longer a bacon eater.
Now pick something else, e.g. drink juice instead of a soda.
Or if smoking is your thing, smoke one less cigarette. For a month. That's it.
After that time, you won't even realize that you've decreased your consumption.
Then try to not smoke/eat when you're bored. Do that for a month or two.
And so on it goes. You slowly reduce the bad habits at the same rate at which you built them up. Slowly and without notice.
The most important thing that will keep you going is knowing that if it takes you 3 years to lose 20 pounds, that's okay. It probably took you 10 years to gain it.
You're going to be 3 years older. You might as well be 20 pounds lighter.
Slow change is change that will last.
Look here
Look back at the shadows of the lost forever.
The child since grown.
The loving parent lost.
The average moments, now precious and ever elusive.
Look forward at the illusions of the hopeful never.
The promises of then.
The solution of time.
The extraordinary moments, yet realized and ever elusive.
Look here at the images of the actual now.
Yesterday's promise.
Tomorrow's longing.
The ubiquitous moments, undervalued and ever elusive.
I'm dying
There, I've said it.
I've known for quite some time but even now I still find it hard to think about it, talk about, and even harder to blog about it.
When we're young we think we're going to live forever. We think death is what happens to other people, old people, sick people.
But denial won't change the facts.
So now what. What do I do?
I make the best of it. I spend as much time as possible doing the things that matter to me the most. Family, friends...
And now that I've stopped denying my situation, I promise to appreciate every day, every moment good or bad.
I promise to make the best of what little time I have left, a meager 30 to 40 years.
Can I play?
One recess, a young boy stands on the sidelines of a basketball game.
"Can I play?", he yells to the other boys who ignore him.
Desperate for attention, he jumps up and down in a futile attempt to display his abilities.
"Can I play?", he beckons.
Another boy walks up and simply watches the first boy's antics.
The second boy thinks to himself for a moment then looks around.
He notices that there is an old, abandoned basketball sitting against a nearby tree.
He also notices that there is a smaller, rundown basketball court right next to the one where the other boys are playing.
A few moments later and the second boy is shooting baskets while the first boy is still trying to get the other boy's attention.
"Can I play?", the first boy yells to no avail.
After about 30 minutes, the bell rings and recess is over.
They all line up for the teacher.
While in line, the first boy schemes about how he's going to get noticed and hopefully get a chance to play.
The second boy, on the other hand, thinks about next recess and all the fun he's going to have shooting hoops.
What happens next is anyone's guess.
Persistence may pay off for the first boy. But then again, it may not.
The second boy gets to play basketball every day, even though he's not in the Big Game.
While both boys would like to play in the Big Game, the first is more enamored with being in the Big Game than playing basketball.
The second boy doesn't ask permission to play. He simply plays.
Why?
Because he loves the activity not the accolades of the activity.
So, if you truly want to do something, e.g. make a film, paint a portrait, write a book of poems, then don't ask others,
"Can I play?"
Just do it.
The Journey
Imagine you are standing in one spot. You've been standing their for many days and are bored with it.
To move to another spot, hopefully more interesting than the one you're on, you must walk thousands of miles.
There are two paths. One paved with broken glass, which you must traverse in your bare feet. The other is of green grass.
On the broken glass path is a sign that reads: "This way to a happy spot".
On the green grass path a sign reads: "This way to somewhere".
Bored with your spot and yearning for a happier spot, you venture carefully and painfully down the broken glass highway driven by the promise of its destination.
Years later when you arrive at your new destination, you are much happier. Partly because you are no longer walking on broken glass, but mostly because you are at, what you believe, is a better spot.
In your new spot, you are happy.
After a few days, you are no longer happy, but content.
After a few more days, you are somewhat dissatisfied.
After a few more days, you are restless and once again yearn for a happier spot.
Two new paths present themselves. One paved with broken glass to a happier spot and one with green grass to somewhere unknown.
You think back to your experience in getting to this spot, one which originally made you happy but soon became mundane.
You remember the pain of every step and how the journey took years to make and quickly realize that pain of the Journey was not worth the Destination.
You also remember that no matter how great the new spot was, it quickly became status quo and your happiness quickly diminished.
After much thought, you take the grass road.
And every day for years you enjoy every step of your journey with almost no thought of its destination.
Wait for it... Wait for it.
Look in your garage at all the things you've got stored there.
At one point, all of those things were something you couldn't live without.
Chances are those items were purchased on the spot. With credit cards, there is no "reason" to wait.
Why should we wait when there is no reason to delay satisfaction?
In a society, where now is not fast enough, we've forgotten how to enjoy anticipation.
Anticipation is a lost pleasure.
We all would like to have things when we want them, but there is real pleasure to be gained by waiting and looking forward to obtaining your goals.
Sometimes the wanting is better than the having.
